Dead Sea
by AngelofOctober
Summary: Castiel has always been gay, but he cares more about pleasing his parents- particularly his mother, and especially after she is diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. Castiel goes to school, gets married and has a kid. After the death of his mother, everything falls apart.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Dead Sea  
Pairing: Meg/Cas Dean/Cas Dean/Lisa  
Rating: NC-17  
Word Count: TBA  
Disclaimer: Not my characters. The characters belong to Supernatural and the creators yadda yadda.  
Warnings: none?  
Summary: Castiel has always been gay, but he cares more about pleasing his parents- particularly his mother, and especially after she is diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. Castiel goes to school, gets married and has a kid. After the death of his mother, everything falls apart.  
A/N: I need to edit all of this and stuff.

* * *

Castiel Novak had always known he was gay. His siblings knew he was gay, and anyone with a half decent gaydar knew he was gay.

His parents were a different story entirely. Maybe they knew and just decided it was unacceptable. Gay was part of who Castiel was, but there was a much greater part of him that needed the approval of his parents, particularly his mother.

"Cas, sweetie" she would coo as she ran her fingers through his hair as they watched Gilmore Girls together "Find yourself a wonderful girl like Lorelai. Marry her and have beautiful babies"

When his Mother found out she had breast cancer while he was finishing his degree, he latched on to the best thing he could find and did exactly what his mother asked. Megra was working on her Psycology degree while Castiel finished his in Advocacy, they had known eachother since day one of the graduate program and she had even been home to meet his family a couple of times. His father was already convinced that they were "an item".

While his father was never too pleased with his degree, he relented on pressuring Castiel about it once he began to receive job offers from all over the country. Castiel may not have been doing exactly what his father wanted, but he was doing it well.

The night he told his family that he accepted the job offer with a firm in New York so that he could stay close by while his mother went through treatment he took them all his parents, Meg and his siblings (Gabriel, Anna, Uriel and Balthazar) to Sarai's favorite resturant- Bouley. Once he told them about his decision to work at that firm and he saw his mother's smile, he got down on one knee and asked Meg to be his wife.

Megra and Castiel were married in the late spring of 2007 on Partridge Island. His mother wore a beautiful wig, and had just finished her first cycle of treatment. The prognosis still looked bleak, but that day Sarai Novak beamed with a light that Castiel hadn't seen since looking at pictures of when she and his father Abraham were married. Castiel wasn't sure how much like Lorelai Megra was, but she got along with his mother like they had known one another forever.

Castiel wasted no time in doing what he considered his duty. He was by no means a virgin, but the wedding night was his first time with a woman, and also his first time with Megra. She was all he could have asked for in a friend and in a wife (if he was going to have one), and she was a perfect mother.

Ishmael James Novak was born in February of 2008.

In May Sarai was deemed terminal, and there was nothing more that her doctors could do for her. Castiel could see her waning, but she did her best to act as though everything was fine. She beamed at her sweet grandson and continued to glow brightly until just before she died on June 9th 2009.

A year later on the anniversary of her death, Abraham killed himself.

All of the Novak children gathered to arrainge their father's funeral. His wishes were simple enough, and everything still fell to pieces. Balthazar and Uriel were Abraham's golden children, they both played sports through high school and went to college on full-ride scholarships. They currently co-owned their own business manufacturing every kind of plastic Castiel had ever heard of. Castiel, Anna, and Gabriel held no ill will towards their father, they found it understandable. Sarai was the love of his life, and after her death he was plagued with the guilt that he had never treated her as she deserved. Balthazar and Uriel were having none of it, they called him weak and cursed him for leaving them all on their own.

"Their anger isn't going to bring either of them back" Anna wept

"Fuck 'em" Gabriel threw his hands in the air "Fuck them both. Neither of them gave a shit when Mom died, so they can just go fuck themselves" He went to the window and wept where he thought nobody would see him.

_Fuck them. Fuck them both. Fuck them all._

Castiel gathered his coat and left.

When he arrived home he laid divorce papers on the table. Meg signed them. She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. "Find yourself a good man, Castiel"

**Six Months Later**

Castiel took Megra out the day their divorce was final.

"So who's the lucky fella?" Meg crooned over her drink as Castiel nearly spit his out

"Me? No, nobody yet" he composed himself and was glad that it was white wine. "You?"

"Crowley, you remember Michael Crowley from accounting? You do, you met him at the Christmas party" Castiel nodded at the memory "Watercooler gossip says he's supposed to ask me out any day now. There's a pool about when. My Money's on the end of the week"

"Ooooh!" he teased and wiggled his shoulders.

They enjoyed the rest of their dinner together talking about holiday plans, Ishmael, work, and more about Crowley.

After finishing Castiel walked Meg to the street and hailed her a cab.

"You know, I never thanked you"

"For what"

"Marrying me when you knew I was gay"

"Oh, sweet child" she cupped his face before sliding into the backseat of the cab "I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat"

Castiel went home that night and sobbed. Meg had loved him whole-heartedly and he had used her and tossed her away when he was finished. He knew he should regret it, but when he thought of his mother's smile on the day of their wedding, or when Ishmael was born, he couldn't; and he felt even worse. Meg deserved all the love and the world, and for the way he was he loved her the best way he could love a woman, but it wasn't what Meg truly deserved, and she had accepted it without reservation knowing exactly what she was getting into.

he hadn't talked with any of his sibling since the day at the funeral home. Anna stilled called daily, and Gabriel at least once a week (because Anna begged him to, of course). The rest of his siblings had made up, and Castiel was the odd Novak out. He poured more guilt into a glass and it went down just as hard as the first glass.

Lucky for him the only thing he woke up with was a pounding headache that asprin refused to dull. He decided he was going to make amends, talk with his siblings, visit the nieces and nephews he hasn't seen, and some he hasn't even met. He was going to tell Megra how wonderful she is, and how much of an asshole he was.

These thoughts lept from his brain with a jolt of pain to worsen his headache as Dean Winchester slapped him on the back.

"Hear your a free man, Cas!"

About a year ago the firm brought in a company to help the place run more efficiently. Some people got laid off, and some new people hired. They also drastically changed the way they handled clients. Every associate had to fill out a most tedious personality test, and they were grouped together and given specific clients to work on. Dean and Cas were on a "team" with about 15 other people. The fact that they shared an office was purely chance. They firm planned to expand, and therefore took on about twice the staff. Everyone shared an office. Not that it was a problem, the offices were big enough for two with a kitchenette, and a couch and table that both seated four along with a workspace on either side of the office.

Dean was the closest thing that Castiel had to a "work friend", they got along well and spent most of their week together (albiet with clients or the boss), especially Fridays when they worked late to get everything finalized (which was why the offices were so nice, the boss made sure you didn't have to leave for almost anything).

Dean always made the coffee. He was proud of his "Secret" ingredient. Castiel had to admit that it was the best cup of coffee he had ever had. he was well aware that it was the nutmeg that Dean put in it, he had found the McCormick spice in the cupboard ages ago.

"Hey man, you okay?" Dean asked as he placed himself infront of Cas and grabbed him by the shoulders.

Cas rubbed at his forehead and straightened himself "Yeah, I'm good. Long night"

"I'll bet!" He winked and punched Cas in the shoulder "how was she?" he gestured his hands far from his chest and bobbed them around.

_"He_ was fantastic" the wording fell from his lips before he had the chance to re-arrainge the words in his head.

"Oh, I-" Dean stammered and put his hands in his pockets.

"I didn't mean. Shit. I didn't mean gay. I mean, I'm gay. But I meant liquor, Jack Daniels" Castiel sighed "Remind me never to joke"

Castiel made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up.

Dean acted like the awful thing that happened never occurred. By the end of the week he was officially out to everyone on the team, and it just spread through the office. Only a handful of people were even fazed by the news. He wasn't nearly the only gay man in the firm, there were a group of about 5 or 6 that liked to go out to the local gay clubs, and they tried to get him to go out every Friday after he had come out.

"But Cassy!" Garth moaned "How you ever find yourself a nice black man if you don't come out with us?" he said in the worst impression of a female southern accent he had ever heard. Dean choked on his coffee. "Watch it Winchester, I'll bring you home, too"

Dean raised his mug over his head in their direction "I have the only hot black man I'll ever need. His name is Folgers"

"I have mountains of work to do, Garth" Castiel backed the group out of the door.

"You're not blowing us off next time, Novak" he wagged a finger at Cas as he left.

Castiel shut the door and tapped his head against it a few times.

"You can go if you want to, there really isn't that much paperwork left to do. I can finish it if you want to go our and have fun... Cassy"

"Do. Not." Castiel held the bridge of his nose. "That is by far the worst nickname I have ever had."

"Seriously though, you can go and have fun. Find yourself a nice black man" Dean pitifully mimicked Garth's awful female southern accent.

"Not that I'd mind a nice black man, and race isn't an issue, but where they're going I'm not going to find a nice man to settle down with" Castiel walked to his desk to finish off what was sure to be ice cold coffee by now only to find the mug empty. "They're a bunch of over-grown teenagers out to get their rocks off" He scoffed making his way to the coffee pot.

"Wait, you'll do it wrong!" Dean tripped around his desk to come take over the coffee maker. Castiel backed away slowly, hands in the air. Dean pushed him lightly away and Cas fell back onto the couch and rested the mug on his belly. He considered whether he should tell Dean that he knew about the nutmeg. Dean had his back to Castiel, making a big show about hiding the nutmeg.

Castiel mustered the lowest and most serious voice he could "I know your secret, Dean Winchester"

"What?" Dean squeaked dropping and nearly breaking the carafe.

"Seriously?" Castiel gasped "Did you just squeak?" he managed before he burst into laughter.

"N-no!" Dean picked up the carafe and placed it in its place

Castiel resumed his game, shoving his mug into Dean's chest. He instinctively grabbed it curling his hand around a good part of Castiel's.

"I know you're putting narcotics in my coffee" he deadpanned.

It took Dean thirty seconds of staring into the mug before laughing nervously and pulling the mug away

"You got me!" Placing both mugs on the counter and distributing sugar, he refused to make eye contact. Dean was never slow on the uptake of any joke, further proof to Castiel that he was just not good at this.

"I'm sorry" Castiel said as he sat back at his desk to continue writing every Business letter known to man. "I told you to remind me not to joke"

Dean filled the mugs and placed one on Castiels desk.

"Thank you" Castiel breathed. Dean smiled and drug his hand lightly across the desk pulling all the neat piles of paper into one ugly clump.

"You're an asshole" Castiel banged his head against his keyboard. "It doesn't matter, we're going to be here all night anyway" Castiel turned on his folk music playlist.

"Touche" Dean grumbled. He hummed to every song for the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel was actually looking forward to Christmas for the first tune since his mother died. He and Ishmael were going to spend the Holiday at Gabriel's with the rest of the family. He was hoping to take an extra day off, the boss okayed it so long as all of the Heller paperwork was ready to go for the next fiscal year.

Next year promised to be a lot less paper work and a lot more traveling. It would be a nice change. The only downside would be traveling with Dean. It had never caused a problem before, but lately things had become very awkward between the two of them. Castiel was sure it was him, he had a sinking feeling it was because his homosexuality was making Dean uncomfortable. Dean tried, but Cas every time tried to join in on Dean's banter, it got quite awkward. Dean would get nervous and avoid eye contact. _If Dean was a homophobe why would he engage at all?_ It was all way to confusing for Castiel to handle with a mountain of work to be done and only a week to finish it.

Monday started of well enough, he was at the office first and sat his to-go mug by the coffee pot before getting straight to work unloading his satchel full of work he took home to finish. Dean came in and placed his mug next to Castiel's and mumbled a greeting through the bagel hanging out of his mouth. Both of them moved about the room with what only an onlooker would call grace. Dancing around one another like a practiced routine, efficient and never in the others way. Cas grabbed his mug and sat at his station. He began rapping out numbers and summarizing a years with of work onto a single page. He sipped his coffee and stopped. This was not his coffee. He looked at the mug, it certainly looked like his mug, but there was a pound of sugar and, he sipped again, _creamer_? He looked up at Dean and watched him sip his coffee. As Dean brought the mug to his lips Castiel had two immediate thoughts. 1) His lips are on my mug 2) There is nutmeg in that coffee.

Dean pulled the mug from his face, turning it around and examining it. He made a face that said _sure looks like my mug_. Then he took another sip, his eyes narrowed and he looked Castiel dead in the eyes.

"Nutmeg" he hissed.

Castiel deflected

"creamer?"

"Shut up. All this time you knew about the nutmeg?"

"All this time you've been a creamer fan?" Cas held his hand to his heart and had his mouth agape in exaggerated shock. "It's like I don't even know you, Dean!"  
Dean snorted and continued drinking Castiel's coffee.

They had worked well onto the morning before Dean got up to make the coffee. He poured the nutmeg into the filter with broad movements and never took his eyes off Castiel.

"Seriously, Dean?"

Dean stuck his tongue out at Castiel and pressed the brew button. He came by Castiel's desk and began to draw his hand across it.

"No the fuck you don't!" Castiel growled and slapped Dean's hand away.

Dean raised his eye brows and held his own hand with a look of mock pain

"Castiel, you Bitch!" Dean came at his papers with both hands waving furiously.

_Son of a Bitch_, this was now a slap-fight.

"Stop-now-Dean!" Cas managed trying to grab Dean's hands and rescue his papers "Fucking-ass-butt!"  
Dean stopped and Castiel caught his hands

"assbutt?"

"Yeah, and?"

"No, no it's a fine insult, if you're ten"

"HA! Says the grown man who started a slap-fight"

Dean looked down at his hands in Castiel's. _Shit._ Now was the time where Dean got all weird and it would be awkward for the rest of the day.  
Dean rubbed his thumbs gently against the back of Castiel's hands and slowly removed his own. Dean walked to his own desk. Leaning down to grab his keys.

"Hey, do you want to get lunch?"

Castiel blinked

Dean waved his keys "My treat"

"You talked me into it" Cas smiled. He was going to evaluate Dean and his behaviors later, but for now his stomach was calling the shots, and Dean was buying.

Dean drove a beautifully restored '67 Impala. On the way to lunch (Cas hadn't bothered to ask where) Dean told him all about his father have it to him and helped him restore it before he died.

"What happened?"

"He liked to drink, finally got the better of him one day"

"I'm sorry"

"Nah man, don't be. He got what was coming, he drank and got mean. He was a good man sober, but after Mom died he just drank"  
"No, I'm sorry that he couldn't stay sober for you. It's hard when a parent gives up  
because the other is gone"

"Hmm"

"My father did the same"

They pulled up to a diner called Burgers and Things and Dean beamed.

"A man after my own heart" Castiel grinned.

Dean snorted.

The entire staff knew Dean when he walked in, it was interesting to see him have a place. Castiel had known Dean for years and had never even been in his cat, let alone to his house. He meet Lisa once at last years Christmas party, but that was the most he knew of Dean's personal life.

Dean sat on the far end of the booth and Castiel slid in across from him. Dean made some flourish of his hand and signaled "2" to the closest waitress. She winked and put pen to pad.

"What was that?"

"I just ordered you the best thing on the menu"

Dean took him to his favorite place. _His _place, was paying for lunch, and even ordered for him. Cas didn't have many, well _any _friends, if thus is what they were like, he decided he needed more.

"You get that look a lot"

"What look?"

"That look you get when you're way off in thought"

"Oh, that look"

"What were you thinking about"

"People. I really don't have many friends"

"We're friends, right?" Dean asked with honest question in his voice.

"I'd say so" was really all that came to Castiel's mind.

"There, so you have one. You have me!" Dean beamed, with obvious relief.

They ate in peace after Castiel agreed that it was the best burger he had ever tasted. _It really was._

"So we're friends" Dean said wiping his mouth with his napkin and sitting back.

Cas nibbled at his fries wondering if this was a loaded question.

"We've established our friendship"

"So, I can talk to you about...things, right?"

"I guess so" hesitation evident in his voice.

"So, did you want the divorce or did she?"

Castiel hadn't expected the conversation to turn to his personal life. He didn't mind, but he was adding it to the list of things to evaluate later.

"I did"

"Was it because you're" he gestured broadly in his direction.

"Gay? Somewhat."

"Was she mad, when you told her?"

"She already knew."

Dean raised his eyebrows "For how long?"

"Since the very beginning." Cas smiled thinking about Meg.

"How long did you know?"

"A long as I can remember"

"Hmm." Dean sipped his coke "Lisa and I aren't doing so great"

"I'm sorry to hear that"

Dean waved it off "Don't." Dean pressed the bridge of his nose. "It's really a lot of things, but... Nevermind."  
Dean slapped a $50 on the table and motioned for Cas to follow.

They made their way back to the car. Dean sat still, hands on the wheel before turning to Cas, mouth open, waiting for words.

Then he smiled, and they drove back to the office in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel had the day to himself. He had hoped to spend it relaxing, maybe reading a book, but all he could think about was Dean and his curious behavior. Castiel really didn't know that much about Dean. Castiel had never watched Dean around friends. He'd seen him around Co-workers, sure, but never friends.

555-7254: Want to go out for drinks later?  
Me: Depends on who this is.  
555-7254: Dean.  
Me: This is Castiel, are you sure you have the right number?  
Dean: Yes. So, drinks?  
Me: Idk, pretty busy.  
Dean: Really?  
Me: Maybe.  
Dean: Please?  
Me: Maybe.

It was still early, so Cas had plenty of time to think it over. Why shouldn't he go? Dean would go to normal bars where the people their aren't looking to swap body fluids and not phone numbers, our even names at times. Plus Dean probably needed out of the house with everything he had going on.

Me: Okay.  
Dean: Calm down now, try not to sound too excited.  
Me: w00t?  
Dean: No.

Fine. Castiel had some feelings for Dean. He just finalized his divorce and spent nearly every waking moment with the man, Dean was kind to him, funny, and interesting. It's a small crush and Cas can handle it.

Cas: Where?  
Dean: I'll pick you up. 8?  
Cas: Okay.

Castiel needed to stop making this about him and turning everything into a damn date.

Cas: Can't I just meet you somewhere?  
Dean: No.  
Cas: You're impossible.  
Dean: :D

Castiel spent until 7 starting at the ceiling thinking of a million happily ever afters for he and Dean. This was unhealthy.

He pulled himself off the couch and took a lukewarm shower. He should have gone for cold, but lukewarm was torture enough.

Maybe he always felt something for Dean, not like now, but some seed that sat waiting to be watered. How could he have known it would grow so fast? Cas was well aware of the trouble he was getting himself into going out with Dean when he had feelings like this. Dean was a good man and Castiel was lucky to have him as a friend. The man resolved to keep his feelings in check. He had spent to much time being selfish, and Dean's friendship was enough. There was no use destroying that because Castiel was on the rebound.

The water started to run cold and Dean would be here soon. He tried to be optimistic, but his heart was in his stomach.  
Castiel barely had his pants on before there was a furious combination of buzzing and knocking. _Shit_ Dean was early. He fastened his pants and opened the door.  
Dean walked in as if it was his very own home, two brown grocery bags in either arm.  
"Hello to you, too"  
"I thought you said we were going out?"  
"I know what I said, then I thought about where to go, and then I didn't feel like going out anymore" Dean sighed.  
"Well, obviously you've got something planned for here, let me throw on a shirt"  
Dean snorted.  
Cas was adding that to the list. He put on the shirt and also resolved not to pry into anything Dean wasn't offering to divulge.


	4. Chapter 3 5

Castiel shuffled through his dresser to find a shirt more appropriate for staying in. He had been wearing slacks anyway and ultimately decided that old jeans and a t-shirt were as much effort as he felt like putting into this. He heard Dean in the kitchen banging around through the cupboards and the rustle of paper bags being crumpled up, and the pop of a cork.  
_shit_  
Castiel had a long list of rules going in his head already, and one glass of wine seemed a prudent rule. Rubbing his brow and taking an ineffectively 'calming' breath, he left the safety of his bedroom.  
Dean had three **_three _**bottles of wine on the counter.

"I'm not drinking all of that" Castiel said nervously without any of the confidence he intended

"Of course you aren't, Cas" Dean stode over with two full iced tea glasses in his hands "**_We_** are" he said with a smile that melted Castiel's resolve.

"I do have actual wine glasses" he sighed.  
Dean shrugged.

Cas turned on a shuffle of his music. There were things on there that Dean liked, he had made Dean a playlist for their late Fridays after Dean refused to learn how to do it himself. _"Just do it for me, man. You're good at this stuff and you know what I like"._ Castiel did.

As it turned out, Dean was a fantastic cook. Cas had tasted Chicken Marsala from a resturant in Florence two years ago, and Deans rivaled it. Cas was two glasses in. Dean was taking particular care to only match Cas glass for glass.

"I'm getting a divorce" Dean said matter-of-factly  
Castiel choked on his pasta "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" Castiel managed "how are you?"

"Good. I told you things weren't going well, and I'm done. Can we talk about something else?" Dean said bluntly.

"Okay."

"I'm sorry" Dean said taking both their glasses to the counter for a refill "I want to talk about it but... I don't, you know?"

"I know." Cas took the plates to the kitchen "When Meg and I began our divorce, eventhough everyone knew why, I felt like it was something I couldn't talk about. Everyone has opinions, or wants to take sides. I felt bad enough, I didn't need people making me feel worse. It's not like one of us had been wronged, really. I just happen to be gay" Cas rinsed off the empty plated and put them in the dishwasher. Dean took both glasses and laid out on the couch.

"With Lisa... I just can't anymore. It's a lie. I thought I could, I thought that I loved her, you know? I mean, I do. It just isn't what she needs, and I can't give her anything more, and damn it I wish I could"

Cas dried his hands and left the kitchen. Dean immediately made room for him on the couch.


	5. Chapter 4

Castiel sat beside Dean on the couch and left a cushion between them. He had nothing against being close, in fact when he was young it was a bit of a problem. He always stood too close, and it bothered people so that after a while they called him creep to his face. Sometimes he felt very much like he didn't belong, like he just entered a new place with new customs that were impossible for him to understand.

"What were you thinking about?" Dean pressed the glass to his lips smiling at Cas, the red of the wine reflecting over his face.  
"Nothing" Cas breathed, kicking his feet up he finished his wine.  
"Careful killer, you'll drink me under the table" Dean said finishing his own.

"Somehow I doubt that"

Dean chuckled. He went to the kitchen and brought the second bottle (a Moscato) to the coffee table. Pouring them both a healthy glass, he dropped back into his corner of the couch.  
The two went on for an hour about work, bemoaning the latest protocol changes with paperwork and the bosses new found love for phrases like _"Well, you know what they say"_ followed by things that nobody ever said. Dean laughed full and easy at Castiel's solid impression of the boss. Just drunk enough, Cas stood and mimicked a typical conversation with the man, gestures spot on, Dean's laugh lifted an octave as he held his side the look of laughing so hard it hurt on his face. What Cas would do to see that look more often; Dean's features only enhanced by the lines that deepened with his brow furrowed and his smile full and wide breaking Castiel's heart as he watched Dean attempt to no avail to calm what Gabriel would describe as 'giggle-fits'. Cas always thought the term was too feminine or childish, but seeing Dean Winchester doubled over with a case of them was the sexiest thing that Castiel could ever recall seeing. Cas sat, trying to maintain a buzz and keep his heart light as the dread washed over him that he was in too deep with a man that would never reciprocate. He hummed into the wine glass as he calmed his own laughter.

"You know, you're not this much fun at work. Not even when we're away on trips" Dean turned on the couch leaving one leg draped over the edge and the other curled in front of him across the cushion between them.

"Well" Castiel said mimicking Dean's pose to face him, laying his free arm along the back of the couch. "That's work, and I'm not often drunk at work" He joyfully sipped at the sweet liquid that bubbled lightly on his tongue. He held the glass before him to inspect the yellow liquid as the bubbles ran up the inside of the glass "I never pegged you for a sweet wine drinker, figured you'd drink the really dry stuff… hmm maybe a red Zinfandel"

Dean stuck out his tongue and shuddered with clear disgust. It was Castiel's turn to have a mild case of the giggle fits. He sighed deeply to calm himself "Though, I never figured you to be a man who took creamer in his coffee"

"I've got an image to maintain" Dean stood. He pushed his hips back and placed his free hand just above them, pushing his chest out he held the glass gently cupped in his hand. "The image of a real man" Dean bellowed in a movie trailer voice and pantomimed flipping long Fabio hair.

Castiel shushed him and pulled him down to the couch by his hand. Dean beamed at him and sighed. Cas did his best to save face and pulled back immediately laughing as if he hadn't wrapped his fingers around Dean Winchester's hand and felt butterflies in his stomach and a heat in his groin. They had touched before, it wasn't like he crossed some line, and it isn't like he reached out and cupped his crotch, but it was all different for Castiel now.

Dean rested back into the couch humming to the lyrics The Lumineers crooned from the speakers. It was clear that there were many things Castiel did not know about Dean; His taste for creamer, sweet wine, and obviously for folk music. He chalked the last one up to the amount of hours he tolerated the music Cas played at work, but with all the other things he didn't know maybe Dean was truly enjoying the music.


	6. Chapter 5

_Dean_ _knelt_ _before_ _him "_Please, Cas" _he_ _begged_ _grabbing_ _Castiel's_ _ass to pull_ _him_ _closer._ _His_ _pants_ _were_ _already_ _around_ hi_s ankles_ _his_ _erection_ _inches_ _from_ _Dean's_ _hungry_ _lips._ His _cock_ _throbbing_ _and_ _leakingprecome_ _as_ _Dean_ _licked_ _his_ _lips._ _Cas_ _obliged_ _rubbing_ the tip _across_ _Dean's_ _face,_ _the_ _man_ _hummed_ _with_ _satisfaction_ _and_ _looked_ u_p_ _at him,_ _mouth_ lightly _parted_ _as_ _Castiel_ _traced the kiss swollen lips._ _Deansmiled_ and lapped _teasingly_ _at_ the _tip. "Come on"_ _Dean_ _whispered_ _with_ _a_ co_ck still_ _on_ _his_ _lips "Please"._ _Again_ _Cas_ _did_ _as_ _Dean_ _asked,_ _he_ _couldn't_ _stand_ _it_ _if_ _the_ _man_ _began_ _to_ b_eg._ He _ran_ _his_ _hands_ _throughDeans_ _hair,_ _the_ _man_ _leaning_ _into_ _the_ _touch,_ closing his eye_s,_ _mouth_ _hung_ _open_ _eager_ and _trusting. "_Yes" _Dean_ breathed _when_ _Castiel_ _gripped_ _two_ _handfuls_ _of_ _hair. He pushed the head of his cock_ _past_ _Deanslips,_ Dean _licked_ _and_ _sucked_ _on_ _it making_ _the_ _filthiest noises_ _Cas_ _had_ _ever_ _heard,_ _he_ _moaned._ _Dean_ gripped _his ass tighter_ _with_ _encouragement._ Ca_s_ _breathed_ _and_ gav_e the_ _man_ _what_ _he_ _wanted._ _He_ _startedslow, getting a rhythm_ and _pulling_ _out_ _far_ _enough_ _to_ allow _Dean_ _to_ _breathe, as_ he _pulled_ _the_ _man_ _down_ _on_ _his_ _cock_ _and_ _thrust_ _his_ _hips_ _into_ _his_ _face._ _Dean_ _moaned_ _with_ _every_ _breath,_ _and_ _Cas_ _quickened_ his_pace,_ _Fucking_ harder when _Dean's_ _grip_ _urged_ _him_ _to._ _He_ _watched_ Dean _carefully_ _to_ _be_ sure he _wasn't_ _moving_ _to_ _hard_ _or to fast,_ _but_ Dean _let_ _his_ _arms_ go _slack_ _at_ _his_ _side,_ tipping his head back to allow Cas full entry into his throat_. The man looked up at him, pupils blown wide and full of pleasure. "oh, Dean" Castiel gripped his hair tight slowing his pace to draw out the pleasure, _Dean _took the opportunity to _moan_, and _Cas _fell apart. He held on to _Dean _for _dear _life, _the _orgasm _s_hot through him like fire and Dean was happily along for the _ride enjoying an_ orgasm of his own._

"Cas, hey man are you okay?" Dean was over him with his hands on his shoulders, Cas instinctively grabbed the mans arms to ground himself, in a full sweat and panting heavily. _Oh Shit_. He could feel the stickiness between his legs and turned a violent red.  
"No, yes. Yes I'm fine" Cas choked out as he pushed himself past Dean.  
"You sure?" The man walled towards him "You don't look fine"  
"I am, it was just a bad dream"  
"Was it?" Dean asked his face betraying him allowing his lips to curl into a smile. "Sounded like I was in it, how bad could it have been?" He nodded with a suggestive wink.  
Luck was on Castiel's side that the remnants of the wet dream were only felt and not seen.  
"It was the zombie apocalypse, you tell me" Cas lied well. The terror of Dean having any idea what he had conjured up in his subconscious was highly motivating.  
"Well, I'm good with a gun, keep me in mind for the real thing"  
Castiel smiled at the idea of Dean responding that way to the real subject of the dream.  
"Oh, I will" Cas said with unchecked innuendo clear in his voice. Dean returned with a look of... Worry, question, hope? It was to early and Cas was to hung over and rattled to examine any of it. "Shit, I've got to shower and get ready to pick up Ishmael and head up to Gabriel's"

"Oh, yeah. Christmas" Dean sighed  
"What are your plans?"  
"Sam is spending the holiday with Jess and I honestly don't feel like spending it with Bobby. I'll probably stay home and watch _it's a wonderful life_ until I'm blue in the face"  
Castiel knew he was going to regret the next thing he said.  
"You can come along with Ishmael and I if you want, can't have you spending Christmas alone"  
Dean waved him off "I'm used to it, it's practically tradition"  
"That's a terrible tradition, the more the merrier"  
"I don't want to impose, it's your family"  
"_Dean" _Cas had no idea when exactly it stopped being an invitation and morphed into a demand. Still, the way Dean lit up just a little was enough. "Good, pack for a week"


	7. Chapter 6

"I mean it, Gabriel." Castiel sighed heavily. "He's just a friend"

"Oh sure, Cassy, sure" Castiel pressed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, he could hear the wink that Gabriel shot Anna through the phone line as she scolded him.

"Gabe, even if he was, you can't go scaring him off!"

"Ugh, fine. But you owe me!" whined Gabriel.

"I owe you for not being a dick?" Cas pushed, trying to make sure that Anna could hear and would keep Gabriel in check. He felt bad playing her emotions like that, he knew she was concerned he'd disappear like he did when their Father died; this was the first time they would be getting together since. Still, he didn't want what he had already made an awkward situation any worse with Gabriels teasing. He hoped that Dean could hold his own, but with the insinuation that they were an 'item' he didn't know. Dean had never seemed homophobic, but Castiel wanted Dean to like him, at least for the sake of friendship, and even if Dean could take a little teasing, he didn't know if anyone could take how relentless Gabriel could be when he had a few glasses of wine in him.

"Cas?" Anna asked, seeing if he was still on the line

"Yeah" The man was pulled from his thoughts.

"Okay, good. Listen, I'll make Gabriel behave. It's good you're bringing somone. I know, I know just a friend and all, but it's good you have a friend other than Meg. Not that Meg isn't great, but you know what I mean? Someone other than your ex-wife." Anna paused.  
He felt bad that Anna was so nervous about Christmas. He was going to come, and there really wasn't much that could change that. He was used to his siblings, and last time was different. Even if Gabriel tanuted Dean into a full-blown fist fight, he'd still come around. His siblings weren't awful, and they really did care; he had to hold onto that.

"Anna, it's going to be fine. I am really excited to see you, and the kids." He said softly, trying to ease the worry he had created "Dean can handle it, he's a grown man even if Gabriel is still a child, and I know Gabriel doesn't mean it to be hurtful. I'll give Dean the heads up. I love you."  
Anna sighed with relief "I love you too, Castiel"

Castiel took two suitcases, his and Ishmael's hastily packed, downstairs to the parking deck where his car spent most of its time. Cas sometimes wondered why he even had one.

Gabriel moved to Ohio shortly after Abraham died. With nothing keeping him in New York, he quickly left. Castiel honestly had no idea where Balthazar and Uriel were living with their booming plastics business, which he resolved to learn more about this year, at least the name of the company. Anna had gotten engaged about 3 months ago, it upset Castiel to think about how he was not there for that, that he didn't know his name until last week, she didn't have Sarai and Abraham there for her, and she was the closest to them both, and Castiel had let her down; he resolved to quit letting so many people down.

Castiel pulled out of the parking deck, and slipped on his bluetooth., calling Megra first.

"Hey, Cas!"

"Meg, I'll be there shortly. I-uh... I have to pick someone up first, then we'll pick up Ishmael."

"Oh?"

"That's not a problem, is it? I can pick up Ishmael first if you-"

"No, no you're fine! I don't want to pry, but you know I'm intrigued by your mystery man."

"Who said it was a man?"

"Now I'm hurt!"

Castiel groaned

"Yes, it's a man, but it's not like that"

"Sure"

"Seriously"

"Alright, alright!"

"You've met him, anyway."

"Oooh!" Cas heard Ishmael squalling for him in the background "Okay, well we'll see you soon!"

"Okay, Love you"

"Love you too, bye"

He then called Dean

"What's the plan?" Dean sounded well caffeinated

"I'm coming to pick you up now, then we're going to get Ishmael. Are you ready?"

"I've been ready for two hours, what the hell have you been doing?"

"You've never packed for a toddler"

"What could that kid need?"

"Anyway, I'll be there in five" Cas hung up and anxiety washed over him.  
He wondered if Dean was a family man, if maybe one of them wanted kids, and the other didn't. With context Castiel assumed that Dean was the one who didn't want them, saying how he "just couldn't". He thought about all the possibilites he could in about two minutes before he wondered if Dean would want him less because of Ishmael. Nobody really likes someone with baggage, and a kid counts as baggage. Castiel shook his head, it didn't matter what the hell Dean thought, first of all Dean didn't want him and second Ishmael would always be priority.  
Castiel really did need more time to figure his life out, he didn't realize that he hadn't really established his priorities, or even thought about dating anyone until now.

Castiel was barely in the driveway of Dean's condo when Dean came out, baggage in hand and clearly 100% ready to go. He popped the trunk and Dean put his things in, and hopped into the front seat.

Castiel stared at him for a moment.

"What?!" Dean beamed warming his mitten-ed hands over the vents. "Are we going, or what?"

"I.. yeah." Cas pulled out of the driveway and headed towards Megra's.

Dean was clearly excited, and caffeinated. Dean pulled his iPhone out and hooked it to Castiel's built in jack.

"Only good thing about these new cars" Dean mumbled as he clicked into a playlist "Gotta have a road-trip soundtrack!"

"I hardly think this is a road-trip"

"The hell it isn't" Dean turned on Wheel in The Sky by Journey "I haven't had a roadtrip in years, I'm just glad not to be on a plane."

The rest of the ride was mostly Dean jamming to 80's hair music, for as long as it took for them to get to Megra's, it was about one song

.  
They pulled up to Ishmael pressing his face to the front window behind the couch, squaling and smacking the glass when he saw Castiel. Cas turned to tell Dean he'd be back, and Dean was already out of the car walking ahead to meg standing in the doorway. Cas stood by the car for a moment watching Dean introduce himself to Meg with a handshake, Ishmael clung to Meg's leg, looking up apprehensively at the man before him. Dean knelt down and Cas couldn't hear what he was saying, he walked to the door and greeted Meg with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, she looked down at Dean and just smiled at Cas.

"shut up" Cas mouthed silently.

Ishmael looked away from Dean and beamed to see his Dad. He held his arms up saying "Go! Go!" Cas gave him a kiss and set him back down "Just a minute, buddy. i have to grab your bag and we can't leave without your jacket"

"Go! Ishmael bounded to the livingroom where his boots and coat lay sprawled next to pieces of a hot wheels track  
"He had those on a minute ago" Meg chuckled.

Dean was in the livingroom asking Ishmael all sorts of questions, and the boy ate it up. It a matter of minutes Dean was helping him into his coat and boots, promising they could take the two hot wheels cars they had been playing with.

Cas followed Meg upstairs to grab a few extra things for Ishmael before they left.  
"Well well." Meg smiled

"Well, what."

"Is he?"

"Gay? No. Not that I know of."

"Would you be interested if he was?"

"Do we have to do this now? Anyway it's kind of awkward, don't you think?" Castiel wanted nothing to do with this conversation.

"No. I want you happy, but I'll let it go. For now." She rubbed her hand along his shoulder and grabbed the bag for Ishmael. "Give everyone my love, okay?"

"Of course" Castiel kissed her on the cheek again and they walked down stairs.

Dean was wearing Ishmael's hat on the top of his head, the boy was in his arms reaching for the hat. They were both laughing as Dean waved his head around to keep the hat from the boy's hands.

It was then that Castiel and Meg both knew that Cas was a goner.


	8. Chapter 7

Ishmael slept for most of the eight hour ride to Ohio. When he wasn't asleep he was content to watch Finding Nemo; A large part of the reason Castiel bought the car.

Dean slept a good portion of the way, too. He hit a caffiene wall and crashed shortly after they hit the road. Castiel fantisized about doing this every year, driving to his brother's house with his boys. What he would do to have that kind of happiness, and to have it with someone he loved so well as Dean.

It startled Cas when Dean spoke, still curled against the door.

"You should meet Sam sometime"

"I'd like that"

"I was thinking how alike you two are, I think you'd get along really well. He's a book worm and all that." Dean turned and put his seat back up, rubbing his eyes.

"What about you, read many books?"

"Not for a while, I used to when I was younger. Cat's Cradle, The Hobbit..."

"The Hobbit, really? I never pegged you for much of a middle-earth kinda guy."

"Yeah, Image to uphold, but a good book is a good book. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure"

"Star Trek"

"Wh-what?" Castiel laughed.

"Yeah, no I shouldn't have told you that"

"No it's just... I thought I was the geeky one!"

"See, I shouldn't have told you!"

"If it makes you feel better, I'll tell you a secret"

"Yeah!" Dean sat up straight "Shoot!"

"I'm gay" Cas said seriously

"You're an asshole, you know that" Dean sat back petulantly.

Castiel laughed.

"Tell me about your family, who are we meeting?" Dean turned the video off and let the playlist go quietly in the background, peeking back to see Ishmael sound asleep with his mouth wide open.

Castiel talked mostly about Anna, he told Dean about being estranged from his family for the past year, and he was suprized about how much detail he went into. It was good to get it off his chest, and actually have someone who he could talk to. Dean listened, really listened (other than making Castiel stop to get more Coffee) and maybe Dean just feigned understanding, but it seemed to Castiel that he was being sincire, and Castiel was happy.

Dean fell asleep for the last hour before the got into Ohio, Ishmael was becoming restless, and Castiel was conflicted. He wanted everything to go well, he wanted everyone to like Dean, and he wanted to pee.


	9. Chapter 8

Castiel knew that he would not be lucky enough to arrive after everyone fell asleep, or before his brothers were three sheets to the wind. As he pulled in the drive he took a deep breath and decided that Dean could handle himself. The need to pee was pressing, and he was aware the anxiety wasn't helping.  
When he put the car in park Dean jumped awake.  
"We here?" he rubbed his eyes, looking the average middle class periwinkle blue home over. He smiled at Castiel "You okay, man?" Dean asked, placing a hand on Cas's shoulder.  
"Probably not, but I'm trying" Castiel laughed nervously.  
"I'm not worried, so you shouldn't be" giving Cas a pat on the shoulder.  
He opened the door and began to unbuckle Ishmael who held out his arms to Dean sleepily.

The porch light came on, followed by a voice Castiel hadn't realized he missed as much as he did until he heard it. He and Anna had talked on the phone since the incident, but he hadn't seen her. She was beautiful as ever, looking more like Sarai since she colored her hair a light auburn, it pulled at his heart making him feel even more guilt for having pushed them all away, especially her; Anna was so much like Sarai.  
Anna wrapped her arms around Castiel's neck, and he spun her around. Swimming in the sound of her joy, Castiel laughed, too.  
"Oh." Anna said, looking at the man holding her nephew and petting his hair as he drooled on his coat "This must be Dean"  
Castiel knew he would never hear the end of it from her. Maybe not now, but she saw the way Dean held Ishmael, and she was as gone as Cas.  
Dean greeted her with a full smile, extending an arm to hug her as he held the boy. Anna rubbed Ishmael's back sweetly, and he sighed.  
"How was the trip?" besides grabbing Ishmael's things out of the back, her full attention was on Dean; leading him into the house with Ishmael. The conversation faded away as Cas grabbed a few more bags out of the trunk.

Cas had met Gabriel's oldest Michael who was now 6, and Gabriel's wife (girlfriend last time Castiel had seen her) Rachel was Due in February with another son. Balthazar and Uriel had married sisters 3 months ago, and were mad enough at the time not to invite any of the family. Balthazar's wife Gennipher was pregnant also, but only just. Uriel and his wife were very obviously still in the honeymoon phase and had no interest in children. Anna's Fiancée Michael was everything that Anna deserved, and was nice enough to help Castiel with bringing the bags up to their room, and gave him the updates on the family (at Anna's request). The children were already nestled together sleeping on the floor in Michael's room, the title screen of The Lion King on repeat.  
Castiel watched Dean place Ishmael into an open space in the middle. The boy remained asleep, only letting out a heavy sigh when Dean wiggled him out of his coat. Dean beamed and tip-toed out of the room, smiling at Cas.  
"Hey, where are we?" Dean whispered taking off his own coat.  
"We're over here, I brought your bag up" Cas hadn't really thought about the fact that the bed might be an issue, he had only ever traveled with Megra. Sure, the bed was a king, but it was still just one bed. He opened the door for Dean to walk in ahead of him, arms full of his coat and Ishmael's. The room had it's own bathroom (as it happened so did all the rooms in Gabriel's home), a walk in closet, and a television.  
"Cool" Dean said hanging the coats in the closet.  
Cas was reminded suddenly how urgently he now had to pee.  
The bathroom wasn't large but was arranged well enough for a corner style Jacuzzi tub and a shower with glass doors. He resolved to make this his retreat if a week here with the family overwhelmed him, which it would. Unfortunately much of the family was downstairs waiting. Gennipher and Gwen had turned in early, so the siblings and Michael were left downstairs.  
He opened the door, ready to face the family and put on his happy face. He was not ready for Dean Winchester sliding out of his pants wearing tight black boxer briefs that were hugging his ass. Castiel was ready to die, this was it. In that moment he was lost in an ass, and moments away from being completely mortified.  
"Hey, can you hand me those pants" Dean said, sitting on the bed folding the ones he had been wearing. "the bottoms of these ones are all wet"  
All Castiel could think about was why he had to take his shirt off to change his pants, why he had to sit on THE bed in nothing but his underwear. He handed the man his pants, and promptly left the room, he was sleeping on the floor.

He met Gabriel in the kitchen pouring more drinks. By the light sway he had going on, Castiel assumed he must be at least five drinks in.  
"Hey, Cassy!" Gabriel drew him in for a hug "Where's your boyfriend" he was kind enough to whisper in his ear. Before Castiel could respond, Dean rounded the corner.  
"There he is!" Gabriel lifted two drinks in the air, and handed one to Dean, putting his now free arm around the man "Come meet the family" he said, winking back as he lead Dean to the living room. Castiel followed, grabbing himself a drink for each hand.


	10. Chapter 9

Dean Winchester had no idea when exactly he had fallen in love with Cas. There was no one single moment that he could point to if someone asked him "when did you know?" Dean knew some people didn't see him as a very intelligent man, and he was fine with that, but he had spent so many nights trying to figure out how it happened. The best he could figure is that it was happening all along, in all the moments they spent together, in the corners of Castiel's honest smile, in the office at work, growing like an ivy slow and stealthily, only realizing he was in love with the man when he was already neck deep with no escape.

Dean had fallen in love with Cas, he knew that and felt no shame about it. The only problem being that Dean Winchester is no homo. Now, as far as Dean was concerned there is nothing wrong with being a homo, he just wasn't one of them. Dean wasn't attracted to men, he was attracted to just one man. Maybe Dean had always been a little gay, whatever. The more he thought about the situation, the more he realized that none of it fucking mattered.

Castiel Novak was the first person Dean could ever say he's loved. .He tried to love Lisa, he really did. He didn't want to marry her, but he felt that it was only right considering he knocked her up. They had only known each other for four months. Dean can't remember why he begged Lisa to marry him, it all seemed so irrelevant after she miscarried. He couldn't just divorce her then, so they trudged through an unhappy marriage for years. When Dean had resolved himself to the feelings he had for Cas he knew that it was time to let it go; Lisa had thanked him and flew home to her family in Vermont.

Here he was, spending Christmas with the man he loved, and a boy that was quickly winning his heart. Dean didn't really have a plan, he just wanted to spend as much time as he could with Cas and Ishmael, to have them close. If Dean had it his way he would slip into Castiel's life the same way that he had fallen in love; Cas wouldn't know until Dean was so much a part of his life that Cas would never give him up.

Dean wished that he was better at being gay. He wanted to reach out and tell Cas how he felt, but he couldn't. If Cas could love him, if he could say it first Dean could scream it from the rooftops. If. What if he told Castiel, what if he opened that door only to find rejection waiting for him behind it? Dean would break his own heart every day and be nothing more than his friend than damn himself to live without Castiel in his life.


	11. Chapter 10

Dean did his best to be lead by the stumbling man to the family room. Gabriel probably would have fallen were Dean not there to support him. He was introduced to Uriel and Balthazar who stood on either side of a roaring fireplace, and was nearly dragged by the neck to be reintroduced to Anna who sat next to Gabriel's wife Rachel. Dean immediately decided that Rachel was some kind of Goddamn saint, she was gorgeous and seemed completely enamored, more power to her , Dean thought. On something that was a mix between a couch and a love-seat, Dean was now positioned snugly between Anna's finance Michael, and Gabriel.

The man scanned the room as boisterous conversation washed around him. Each Novak man was wearing some kind of odd Christmas sweater, and Michael wore a well pressed shirt and tie. The ladies wore simple, yet festive attire. Dean cracked a smile, thinking how perfect they'd all look in the picturesque room for the month of December as some kind of commercial painting fitted into one of those cheap calendars. Cas stood leaning against a book shelf, an empty glass on a pedestal table beside him, one in hand, his cheeks reddened by the alcohol and the glow of the fire. He could stare at that mans lean figure in a stupid Christmas sweater forever. Cas caught his gaze and gave a nervous smile before resuming a pensive look in the direction of the fire.

Dean listened to Michael and Gabriel bicker while practically leaning over him (despite his repeated offers to swap places with one of them) for at least an hour. Uriel and Balthazar talked to one another about who only knows what, while Anna and Rachel made girl plans for the week, everything from manicures to grocery shopping. Dean loved it. He was surrounded by people that accepted him like one of their own, nobody felt the need to entertain him, and he felt no need to put on any kind of "best behavior" performance. His heart hoped that he could find himself here, mashed between two dudes on an almost couch, like he was always meant to be here.

Dean missed the feel of home. Sammy was really all he had left, and with Jessica in the picture it felt like he was being left behind. Dean had always expected and hoped for that, he didn't want to feel like he was abandoning Sam for wanting his own life, but he wanted Sam happy. What would Sam think about all this? How soon would that conversation come?

"Dean?" Cas placed a hand on his shoulder, snapping him into the moment. "I'm going to head upstairs, you remember where the room is, right?"

"I'll go too, that car ride has me beat" he lied

"Are you sure?" Cas held his small glass with both hands, it was excruciatingly cute.

"You two love birds have a good night" Gabriel winked at Dean, giving Cas a decent slap on the back that nearly sent him into Dean's lap. Everyone was calling it a night, as it turned out. He and Cas were the last ones to leave the room, just behind Anna.

"Dean" Anna motioned for him to follow her. She walked to a closet at the bottom if the stairs and handed him an extra comforter.

"Thank you" Dean smiled, Anna put a hand on his shoulder before heading off to bed. Dean peered in at Ishmael still sleeping like a rock , on the way to the room .

Castiel was setting up camp on the floor.

"If anyone is sleeping on the floor it's me" Dean insisted.

"No, you're the guest" Cas said flatly.

"I take offense to that" Dean teased "look, it's a king sized bed, and we have our own blankets, I'm not opposed to sharing"

"Dean I really think-"

"Just get in the bed"

Cas sighed heavily as he gathered the bedding from the floor. Dean considered pajamas, but it was warm, and he did have his own blanket.


	12. Chapter 11

The last time, and the only other time they had slept on the same surface had not prepared Dean for this. This time they were intentionally climbing in bed together, while not under the circumstances he hoped, everything felt heavy. Cas went to the bathroom to change into pajamas. Dean considered pajamas, but he wanted blankets and the house was hot as hell. He climbed under his blanket on the side of the bed furthest from the door and got lost in the ceiling and tried not to think.

Castiel padded to his side of the bed. He wore a Goo Goo Dolls T-shirt that was a size too big, and flannel pants that were a bit too long, the man ran his hand through his already disheveled hair, turned the light off, and flopped into bed. Dean lay curled on his side facing Cas who was laying on his stomach, mouth agape, already fast asleep. However creepy Dean felt himself being, he couldn't help watching him breathe, he also couldn't help how hard he was, and how painful it was quickly becoming. Dean headed to the bathroom for a shower. Once there he decided a bath would be totally awesome. He ran the bath, seeing Cas' soap on the counter, he flipped the lid and breathed deep, feeling... Fine... They were butterflies, in the pit if his stomach. He added a healthy amount of the soap to the running water, feeling like a 5 year-old when the bubbles began to form, making a mountain range on the top of the water; a Cas scented mountain range, he was a creep... So what.

He had to admit, it was pretty nice; being surrounded by at least the scent of Castiel, knowing he was in the next room. Dean pulled off his underwear, freeing his impressive (if he did say so himself) erection. He stepped into the bath, pausing for a moment to let the shivers pass and adjust to the heat. Dean got the important things over with, if he was going to get off in the bath, sure he'd need to rinse, but he wanted to be at a general state of clean by that point so he could go to sleep. Dean had forgotten to get his soap, and noticed that Castiel's toiletries were right there, so why not. He never considered himself a "shampoo and conditioner" kind of guy, but they were there, so why not. He found that he quite liked the smell of lemongrass, and he'd definitely have to get closer to Cas' hair to smell it on him. The thought of getting that close to the man reminded Dean of his previous need. He leaned back, getting a good scene set in his mind, thinking about that muscular frame over his own. Call Dean sappy, but the thought of Castiel looking him in the eyes, pupils blown wide with lust, but kissing him soft and sweet with real intention, that's what got Dean there. With one hand Dean cradled his balls, slipping one finger back (benefits of a bath) easily working his ass. With his other hand he worked his cock slowly, starting at the base, thinking about what the look on Cas' face would be if Dean worked his cock like this. Dean thought about how absolutely perfect Cas would look as he forgot everything but what Dean was doing to him, as he gasped and moaned with every stroke. Dean should have cooled it a little, he would consider later, he wasn't aware of the noises he was making, or the volume. He moved focus to his head, rubbing fast, arching his back and thrusting up into his hand.


	13. Chapter 12

Woken by the sounds of running water, which surprisingly did not give him the urge too pee, Castiel was suddenly wide awake, still drunk, and very hard.

Without the peace of the bathroom, but the advantage of currently being alone for at last another few minutes, Castiel resolved to take care of his aching need. His shirt would do well considering the circumstances, so he stripped that and laid it by his waist. He moistened his hand with his tongue, and worked in long slow strokes from tip to base. The man was well on his merry way to orgasm when noises came from the bathroom. He reluctantly stopped stroking, but only long enough to realize that Dean Winchester was doing the same thing in the bathroom, and moaning like a whore about it.

"Asshole" he muttered

With Deans accidental encouragement, Castiel was quickly sinking his teeth into the pillow to stifle the moans as he came all over Let Love In. He listened to Dean finish, and start the shower. He quickly stuffed the used shirt into the bottom of his travel bag. Dean attempted to climb into bed quietly, and had Castiel been asleep, he would have easily stayed that way. Right now he was hyper-aware of every movement Dean made.

He felt a finger trace ever so lightly across his back, Dean shifted closer and Castiel felt the back of his blanket move.

"What are you doing?"

"I-I didn't know you had a tattoo" Dean whispered.

"You saw me shirtless the other day" Castiel assumed he'd seen it, though it being on his back, he often forgot about it.

"I guess I didn't notice" He felt more tracing "it's beautiful"

Castiel had a set of wings that covered his entire back. The feathers were high detail, each one having individual intricacies; some were slightly turned, others had gaps, some looked cut. The tattoo was fairly new, he got it done shortly after his mother died.

"How does it feel to kiss a dude?" Dean asked casually

Castiel turned around, putting his face less than a foot from Dean who was now in the middle of the bed.

"What?"

"How does it-"

"I know what you asked, but what brought this up?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm-"

"Curious?" Cas tried to hide annoyance

"Yeah, well no, but..." Dean huffed "I don't know"

"It's like a woman, but with stubble"

"Yeah, but like touching, is it the same?" Deans look of genuine curiosity annihilated any desire Cas had to be sarcastic about the subject.

"It's different for you, Dean" He smiled "I had no desire to be with a woman. The basics are mostly the same, , other than the obvious details." Cas was going to regret this "and I've been with about as many men as I have women"

"Really?" he watched Dean wet his lips

"Yes" fuck, he wanted nothing more than to show Dean what it felt like to kiss a man.


End file.
